Army 10 Miler

Since I've been exercising on a mostly regular schedule for the last few months (with the exception of 2 weeks), I finally got brave and signed up for the Army 10 Miler in October. And of course, promptly upon signing up, I bonked on my long run. Wheels came off around mile 4 of a 7.2 mile loop when the nausea, listlessly drifting off to one side of the road or the other, and inability to maintain form got the best of me. Yes, it was 85+ and 11:00 am. Yes, I was dehydrated. Yes, I didn't eat anything before I went out.

But I'm nervous about the distance. Somehow actually signing me up for a race is making me question my ability to do this. Part of it is the fact that I've been running with someone to train for this and on race day, I'm going to have to motivate myself. Part of it is the fights my running partner and I have been having about our runs. He says I can't pace well and I blow up in the middle of my runs - up until yesterday, that meant going out pretty fast and on the way back, still running, just backing off the pace a little. And then yesterday, despite his best efforts to be supportive, his comments were "you need to be in better shape." That just pissed me off. My reaction is consume more calories, hydrate, don't run at 11:00am in the summer, and then let's assess the situation. I know these are big obvious factors that should be looked at before the assumption of "not fit enough" is given credence. But I'm still questioning myself. I'm questioning what I know to be true and that kind of really irritates me.

So now that I've vented, here's the plan. I'm running three days a week. This week since I mostly walked the distance yesterday, I'm upping my short runs to 4 mi and 5 mi respectively. The long run will be 8 on Saturday and I'm going to get up early to run it. On the days I don't run, I'm going to go to the gym, lift weights, and do a light spin on the bike for a minimum of 15 minutes. This will give me some cross-training, extra recovery, and will warm me up for the weights. As for the weight program, I'm going to lift 1 set of 15 reps this week, 1 set of 10 reps next week, and 1 set of 8 reps the week after that. Then I'll repeat the series doing 2 sets instead of one. I've got 47 days, I know what the limiters are, I can totally do this! It's one sport, I did a half ironman on less. Half ironman - that's right. I can TOTALLY DO THIS!

A Run is Just a Run

I remember when I started this blog that exercise and training were epic. It was all a metaphor, a way of putting myself through the paces to becoming something greater. Every run was compared to some area of my life and rarely did I find that a run was just a run.

It's weird that now, almost every run is just a run. I still struggle with the long runs and have to find creative ways to motivate myself to keep running sometimes but something is different. Part of it is that I'm used to the routine of running three days a week and how easy it is when you do it consistently. But more than that, I'm different.

When I started my blog I was struggling to find myself, struggling to find my sense of self, my self-esteem, my self-confidence. I was scared and everything around me seemed to end with a question mark. Get a good job? Succeed in grad school? Treat myself with respect?

Now, I'm sure of myself. I know I can succeed at just about everything. And the things I can't succeed at, well, I can take those hits too and come out on top in the end anyway. I know I'm competent, I can see myself in the future working alongside the people I idolized and feeling like I belong there. I know what I need and I am no longer afraid to ask for it. I don't question myself a million times about whether I'm on base about things. I check myself but then move forward with confidence.

I still have a lot to learn and I'm finding myself humbled almost every week by something I failed to grasp or internalize appropriately. But it's nice to not take everything so personally, to get rid of my stress out on the road when I run, and it's wonderful that when I run, I only have vestiges of demons to take with me.

Base 2, Week 1

All I have to say is the Blue Ridge mountains don't look that large until you have to run them. Finished the recovery week of Base 1 by "running" (more walking than running) a 3.2 mile route that was literally all downhill on the way out and all uphill on the way back - a consistent 5% grade over 1.6 miles and an elevation gain of 400 ft. That was followed by a day of sitting by pool and enjoying the mountain breeze and sun. And then, that was followed by a more forgiving 2.5 mile run that only had a 350 ft elevation gain and incorporated the difference over several hills - still challenging and I was reduced to walking at one point, but much more manageable and calming for the psyche than the first run. With the amount of fitness I have made in just the last four weeks, the challenge I'm facing on these runs is making me sad I can't stay here another month and dominate these hills. I guess that's the advantage of vacations, either you get a chance to reflect on how much progress you've made, or you get a reminder that there is always something else that can challenge you - or a little of both.

After yesterday's 2.5 mi run, which was slow but painful on the lungs, my running partner and I decided that we couldn't waste the great outdoors around us, so we went for a 3 mi hike (900 ft elevation gain) in the local state park. Talk about good burns in muscles! I was toast by the end of it so we found the closest pool and cooled off. I have to say, if I'm going to get my butt kicked by hilly runs, I'd prefer to do it when I have the luxury of sitting by a pool and relaxing than when I have to show up to work and think coherently.

Seriously???

I'm sorry, I'm heading into week 4 of my training program and week 3 of base phase 1? No, really...is that right??? 3 weeks and only one missed workout. I'm sorry, REALLY???? And no residual pain in any part of my body? (insert me doing the happy dance)

Teehee! I can't tell you how much I love having a job that stays at work and promptly ends at 4:30 pm. I also can't tell you how much I love having a running buddy who is super disciplined and has demonstrated he doesn't mind running at a snail's pace with me (although I make him pay for it by making him run longer and faster intervals). I've been hating the runs every single time we go out but I've been doing them all and finally on Saturday I had that breakthrough run where 3.0 miles wasn't burdensome. Now...can we get that feeling in a size 6?

Beautiful Pain

All I have to say is CrossFit is the best kind of awful I have ever encountered in my life. I am so excited about it, I'm waking up in anticipation of my alarm clock. That's right - 4:35 AM, my eyes pop open and the first thought through my head is "is it time to get up yet?" It is promptly followed by the thought "get wha...?!" as I slowly register the pain that has made me practically catatonic.

Oh, but it is such beautiful pain! Its the perfect amount of pain that movement requires energy just to get the neurons to fire properly but that disappears after a good 10-15 minute warmup. This morning had to be the worst. I wanted to go but was in such pain when I got up I didn't know how I was going to get into the gym let alone do the workout. Warmup complete, I felt awake and only mildly stiff. After 30 Clean and Jerks, however I realized that hands over the head was just not going to be happening today. Try getting dressed when you can't put your hands over your head or very far behind you. It is so nice to feel like I'm actually doing something with my muscles again though. And it is just a happy kind of tired.

Two more days of this and I can rest.

CrossFit

I think I'm in love!

http://www.crossfit.com/

Ahhh...It is good to be back

It feels good to be back. Back to running, back to myself, back in the middle of life, and back to writing. So much has changed in the last year. I left the city - partly out of fatigue, partly out of necessity, and partly because I realized I'd lost all of my creativity. I also left triathlon. Maybe not forever but just for now. I took several more months off and now I'm back to running at least twice a week. I'm commuting 3 hrs everyday for work now so I run on my lunch break. It keeps me sane but it's also making me itch for the gym and weights again. I can't wait until I find my own apartment that's closer to work so I can get back to reading and lifting!

It's such a relief to find my checkbook balancing out, a little extra cash in the account, and not wondering whether turning off my computer will result in the loss of my business and by association my job. I'm now working for the most secure sector of society, the military, and loving it. I'm getting paid to learn as much as I can in the next two years and that is absolutely fine by me. Stability and routine. It's fantastic! And the best part is I find myself eager to write my thoughts down again. I've missed my blog.

I feel like I'm emerging yet again from a long, dark tunnel. I'm looking back and wondering just exactly I made it through the last several years without losing my mind and how in the middle of it all - in the middle of moving out of the city, breaking up with another boyfriend, letting go of my business baby, having no income to speak of, and not exercising - how did I manage to go off of the anti-anxiety meds without any problems? I guess that's the thing about growth: you don't realize how strong you are until your through the tough spot.